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Why We Should Ban Fat People at the Beach |
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Written by Randall McFarlane
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Tuesday, 31 July 2007 |
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I like anyone love to go to the beach every once and a while. To look and see the water go for miles and miles. The sun and the sand its, well, perfect. But there is something that will ruin the beaches more then global warming will ever do. In fact it makes global warming look like a little kid in a waiting pool. It’s the #1 problem of why the earth beaches are getting worse. Its obese people at the beach. I mean come on. I was once at the beach and heard a low moaning that sounded like something was dying. Then I say this huge thing and I thought to my self "oh my god it’s a beached wale". So I ran to see if I could help it and to my surprise it was a 700 Lbs. fat woman eating her ice cream and moaning like a whore while doing so. The sand around her must have sunk in like 6 to 9 inches.
Who in the hell wants to see that. I mean I thought she was naked but her fat rolls where covering her two piece bikini. That it self should be a law. I mean its dangerous for other people as well, Even though she is 800 lbs. She can float and if she went in to the ocean and a wave caught her she could take out a whole town if she was moving fast enough let along a few thousand people in her path. To top it all off who in the hell wants to go to the beach and see that shit and throw up? Nothing like going to the beach to see a fat women play volleyball. You haven’t seen shit until you see a 700+ lbs. Fat person play volleyball. All I can say is um because of that image I don’t think I can ever watch or play volleyball again. It also sucks when waiting in line to get food. If you don’t get in line by 11:00 am all the food is gone. They but like 20 hot dogs with 10 hamburgers with 30 order of side fries with 10 Ice cream sandwiches for desert and don’t forge the 5 gallons of soda to wash it down. I mean come on. I just want 1 hamburger with a soda. They should have limits on that as well. But the food places don’t hate the fat people in fact its paying for their kids to go to school. Hell some beaches I say it can put 5 kids though school for 4 years. Then when they sit back down, well I shouldn’t say sit more like crash land back at their parachute they call a towel. They eat and eat and when you look around them it starts to look more and more like a landfill.
God forbid if you have a Frisbee and it gets stuck on the top of Mt. Fatness If this happens you better have brought you climbing gear cus its going to take a few hours to get your Frisbee back. They also fuck up the tides. With all the gravitational fields they are generating its always-high tide. Thus cutting back on the heavily crowed beach in the first place. Have you ever seen a fat person try to get on a raft of some other water toy? This is why people die at beaches. Forget the sharks it’s the fat people that kill in the water and its all from them trying to get on top of the Raft. Then you have the fat people who have carts. They are the ones who are 900+ lbs. It looks like one of them Wal-Mart carts but with all terrain tires. This causes the beach to turn in to a freeway of fat people on carts. Forget hearing the ocean all you hear is a endless sea of electric motors being pushed way beyond the limits 10 fold. Nothing to complete your day at the beach with the sound dying electric motors. To put it in perceptive it would like a dying cat being crushed my 800 lbs. Persons ass.
As it is space is limited at the good beaches. So now we have a fat bitch who’s taking 0.25 nautical miles of space. It’s getting bad. I say we ban them at the beaches. I say we weigh them at the entrance. If you are heavy and have a high fat index then you shouldn’t be allowed at the beach. And if they refuse to leave we can always call the navy and tell them we have a beached wale.
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Last Updated ( Tuesday, 04 December 2007 )
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